I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
