I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i came on her dog
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
