we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
