I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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