just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
