I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
