Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
