um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
a search helicopter?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
