Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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