yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
