the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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