You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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