I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
