there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize