S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
