I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
