my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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