I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize