4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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