I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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