You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
