I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize