listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
