i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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