You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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