I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
this hospital has no fireball
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
