if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize