Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
