Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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