I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
