I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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