exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
