margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
