I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
