Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
