Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
