he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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