he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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