How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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