I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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