He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
