She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
