Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
