We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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