"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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