just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize