I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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