My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
