I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
