Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize