My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
