So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He? As in you personified your dick?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize