forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
