I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize