if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
