Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
