Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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