yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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