I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
