the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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