is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When are your genitals available?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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