Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
