Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
