Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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