We're like a lot better than the average bears
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
