Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
