Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
