Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
