She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
