Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
