At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
