Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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