he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
