I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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