giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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