Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
