she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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