I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
