im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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