god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
