Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
