guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
