can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
