I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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