so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
