Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
