Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
