drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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