I hope mine doesn't look like that
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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