Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
