Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
