Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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