That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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