i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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