remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
