This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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