im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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