Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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