Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize