Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
